Today I finally took the box of your baby clothes down from the high shelf in the guest room closet. I’ve held on to it for as long as I could. But it’s time to let go.

I open the lid, and inside, I find all of my favorite outfits of yours: what’s left of your onesies, your old sleepers, socks so tiny they look like fairy hats, and shirts I can’t believe you were ever small enough to fit into.

Now, as you toddle through the house, bumping into chairs and yelling gleefully, I try to remember those days that feel like a lifetime ago.

I pick up a soft yellow sleeper with green polka dots and remember the baby shower, all that advice, and how I would walk aimlessly through stores wondering what exactly I needed to buy before you were born. I remember the excitement and fear that ran through my veins as I realized: I was about to become a mother.

You wore these polka-dot pajamas after your very first bath. I remember how the soap mixed with your lovely newborn smell, creating the most intoxicating scent as I rocked your warm, tiny body in my arms.

Now I bring the pajamas to my face and inhale deeply. I try to remember those first few days when everything went by in a blur.

The blue shirt. The little newborn-sized blue shirt that is almost too small to bother folding. I remember what you looked like, lying on our giant bed, wearing it with only a diaper for pants. We stared at you for an hour while you slept. We imagined what you’d look like as you grew, what your voice would sound like, who you would become.

To a stranger, this is just a plastic bin of baby clothes, but to me, they were our first memories.

I’ve washed and folded them, piled them neatly on the kitchen table. They’re ready for a soon-to-be new mama who is picking them up today. She should be here any minute. Seven months pregnant and a bundle of nerves. She sounded lovely on the phone.

A tear slips down my cheek as I come to terms with your babyhood passing by so quickly. I’ve kept one sleeper as a reminder. One day when you’re six feet tall, I’ll hold that sleeper to my face and breathe in the baby you will always be to me.

Until then, another little one’s arms and legs will fill these polka-dot pajamas. A new mother will gingerly pull the blue shirt over her fresh baby’s head and rock him for hours hoping the moment will never end.

She’ll vow, like I did, to never forget. And she won’t.

I hear the doorbell. She’s here. It’s time.

Tami Zuckerman - founder of VarageSale

Posted by:Varagesale Blog

12 replies on “The Box of Baby Clothes

  1. As a first time mom-to-be, VarageSale has been my #1 go-to spot for baby clothes, toys and accessories. I’ve met about a dozen of moms hesitantly selling their children’s things and desperately asking me to take good care of them and to use them well. I get it. It’s because of these moms that I have drawers full of clothes ready for my baby girl and a closet full of toys for her to enjoy. I appreciate all of you moms as you part with the memories you’ve created and promise to make new memories using your cherished things.

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  2. Sometimes you just have one of those days where one thing just goes over and ov er and over again in your mind. Today its been my oldest daughter Sara, almost 30 in December. Today, I have just wanted and needed her so badly its been tearing my gut out and no one knows that feeling until you are estranged from your child going on almost 4 years. Who I have left my door open, begged for reconciliation, nothing could be so bad to have tossed me to the gutter for all this time. What could I have done?? Nothing that is that bad to make me suffer so and hurt so much. How can a child I gave birth to, raised as perfect as a single MOM could and gave everything I could including my time and love and constant attention. Not out partying but everything with my children always. Then tonight here is this story and its something that runs through my mind every single day. So as I try to get some sleep at 3am I am still just mourning for my daughter, wanting and needing to hold her like I did in January of 2010 after I had been on life support for 3 weeks, dying. When I started to recover she camem and got in my hospital bed to cuddle with me. Dear God I have laid in my bed today fighting this cold, hoping it doesnt turn into pneumonia again, thinking of her curling up with me just once more.

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  3. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  4. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  5. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  6. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  7. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  8. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  9. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  10. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  11. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

  12. Tami…..You have many wonderful attributes,….but I am now seeing that you also are a gifted writer. You have expressed so eloquently what moms feel….and yes, I am a softie and my eyes filled up with tears. The time passes sooooo quickly and we don’t even know where it has gone! I remember seeing pictures of Noah as a newborn, then as just a little tike and now he’s on the computer, typing the alphabet, and so full of life and expression and he’s only just under 3! So many adventures to still share together….keep on ENJOYING…..Caitlin is now teaching her 2nd year at John Rennie……and it really does seem like yesterday when I was feeling the same sentiments as you! Our kids are precious and always will be……continue to make and cherish special times and memories. Wishing you and your family all the very best in your new hometown! Hugs!

    Like

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